life & death in the city of light & love

i have classes a few blocks from the Cimetière du Montparnasse, one of the four large cemeteries in Paris. It is the resting plast of many of France's intellectuals and artists as well as local police and firefighters killed in the line of duty. after class, i often walk through the cemetery as a short-cut back to the metro.

homeward bound

today could not have been better... i am going home. back to africa - only for three weeks this time, but undoubtably the best days of my summer.

i love how the lord works. i have been trying to find a way to get back this summer for the past few months, but nothing seemed to be right. today, i received an email, made a phone call... and within an hour had tickets. this is right. this is why God closed so many other doors. i could not be more sure about anything. whats more... my parents didn't freak out when i told them.

God never ceases to amaze me :)

i had a long conversation with wes today (my uncle) about what is going on in the sudan. i don't know too much, but i know enough to say please join with me in prayer as i partner with them to fight an uphill battle for the sake of the gospel.

through my lens

with the rise of post modernism in the 1970's, artists began using various strategies to turn the assumed truthfulness of photography against itself. taking advantage of the cameras capacity to make scale models appear to be life-size. the illusions they configured we deliberately flawed; the point was not to deceive the viewer but to highlight the role perception plays in the construction of photographic truth

one afternoon in january a few days before the semester began, i decided get out of town. i found cheap tickets and within 24 hours found myself sitting at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in new york city. there was a photography exhibit from the tate museum and this quote was on the wall... it got me thinking. what do i highlight in the work that i do, the things that i create and the way i live my life. what about me causes people to look at the world with a better understanding of the lord. this makes me pick up my camera each day with more purpose and a new excitement for the every day things around me that i have the opportunity to show in a new way.

as quickly as this new excitement enters my head, when i think about what i am called to do with this energy... it disappears. why is it so frightening to share the gospel? do i really believe in this stuff... YES! then why am i so afraid of rejection, even from complete strangers. if i really care about people, then this is the most important message they could ever hear. last tuesday, as a church staff, we were supposed to go out in the city of austin and share the gospel with someone... anyone really. we were just challenged to use the tools that we had been learning and live out what we say we believe. all week, i had been dreading these few hours. i tell myself that it is just not my gift. i can disciple, teach, lead.... but i just don't do evangelism... WHAT??? that makes NO since. i can, in no way, shape, or form, claim to have any ability to lead if i am not willing to do so by example. the great commission given to us at the end of Christ's life makes my purpose on earth abundantly clear.

go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. matt 28: 19.20

as it stands, i was sick on tuesday and didn't go to the office. in all honesty... i really was sick. promise. but i also would be lying if i pretended that i was at all disappointed in the timing of this illness. recognizing that this didn't just get me off the hook, i challenged myself this week to share the gospel with someone. i did, twice actually, and the tools really helped... but neither of these people were strangers that needed the lord. they were friends that i felt comfortable talking to and that already have a growing relationship with the lord. as much as that doesn't take the weight or responsibility off of my back, sharing - even to my friends was a little nerve racking. but it gets easier, talking out loud through the gospel takes practice and is well worth the effort.

i am ready to quit life

tonight in bible study, i talked with the girls about a sermon my pastor gave on easter. taken from i corinthians 15.... basically because of the resurrection we should live life differently and be willing to risk everything in life for the gospel of christ. i haven't been able to stop thinking about this. how do i do this now, what does this mean for my life today?

i am ready to quit my life, risk everything and live like this, but i haven't figured out how. 

i was born ready to go... wherever. i love going places, meeting new people and seeing new things. i love change. i know what i want to do... i did it in africa almost two years ago. for three months, i lived life at the center of the Lord's will for my life, did things way beyond myself, and witnessed miracles that only happen among people bold enough to believe they are going to... being thousands of miles from home, living in light of the resurrection was relatively simple. i want this life back, but that is a year away. living here in the states is much more complex. i have to finish school but i refuse to live another moment on my own. 

i realized last week how different i have been this semester, i have not been myself. i have not made time for the things that are important to me, i have not finished everything with excellence, i have not made the most of opportunities given to me, what is more... few of the things that have consumed my time this semester have eternal value. i have failed. i get that school and work is important but i have trouble seeing the purpose at times. 

i will choose today to act like a child of God in light of the resurrection. i don't know how to do this while studying for my finals tomorrow, but i am convinced that there is no life outside of his big story.