each face has a story

yesterday i was going through my images from this summer, i couldn't help but relive the moments i have spent with these people. each one has a story to tell, brothers, sisters, and parents that have shaped who they are. they have names and lives, on the other side of the world, and i have the opportunity to be apart of them, even if only for an instant.

kids in the second division military base outside of Juba (capital of southern sudan)

mary. she has no physical reason in the world to be happy. but has more joy than you would think possible for a three year old.

Joseph. One of my favorite chaplains. I worked with him for four weeks in Loa, while we were running a program at the local school. Seeing this guy love on kids, you would never know lost his parents at a young age.

Joska. She lives down the street from one of the chaplains and runs up to greet me every time I visit the house. She longs to be known, listened to, and understood.

a different kind of christmas season

Two years ago today, I returned home from my first trip to africa. My world had been changed forever.
For three months, I lived with no running water or electricity, eating beans and rice and maybe an occasional potato, three months with not one familiar face, watching as my Savior took away everything familiar to me and revealed himself to me through the faces and hearts of the african people I was living with. In a short three months, my world was shattered to pieces. The stories brought me to my knees in tears as I listened to a young girl tell me that she lost one of her three children to starvation, but that she trusted the Lord was going to provide for their meal tomorrow, of a soldier tell of how he left home to defend his country and returned to find that his family had been killed by the very people he was sent to fight. And yet these people were so full of joy, radiant at the knowledge that they were loved, protected and known by their heavenly Father.
Coming home, I flew through London and had a several hour layover. I left the airport and walked through Hyde Park at daybreak. Being only a few days from Christmas, the entire city was decked out. The window displays at Herrod's alone were proof of the commercial holiday season. The city was beautiful, but something was missing. The people I walked passed in London seemed to move from one event to the next, they had everything they needed to live comfortably, but they still looked empty. Life in Africa was the journey, the ups and downs of everyday happenings, the faith that a little boy born in a manger over 2000 years ago was sent to save them, and had changed their lives and mine, forever.
Christmas has always been a little better to me because of africa as I am reminded to live the journey and not the event.

what now?

i saw the face of jesus in a little orphan girl

she was standing in the corner on the other side of the world

and i heard the voice of jesus gently whisper to my heart

didn't you say you wanted to find me,

well here i am, here you are

so what now

what will you do, now that you found me

what will you to with this treasure you found

i know i may not look like what you expected,

but if you remember, this is right where i said i would be

you found me

what now

come and know, come and know

know me now, come and know me.

what now?

so, i am not a huge fan of stephen curtis chapman... but these words get me. for two different reasons. first, the little orphan girl that he talks about in this song, is now my cousin, Orly. she no longer lives on the other side of the world, and she has people around her who love her. they saw the face of jesus in her, paid a ransom to the chinese government and brought her home.

so what now?

what do i do to answer the call, i have seen jesus on the other side of world, in pairs of white beady eyes shining from beneath black faces. what do i do with that? how do i answer my call? i know that adoption is not the answer for me right now, but what do i do to respond?

it is becoming more and more clear that i am going back to africa this summer. maybe not permanently right now, but at least for the summer. i got a call from a friend a few weeks ago, she wanted to get together. we did, last week. in the midst of conversation, she told me about a very small missions team that her and her husband are praying about forming. they are asking four people to join them for a few weeks working with a team they served on for a year in Tunisia. Their dear friends and mentors from their hometown, her sister... and me. wow.

i have committed to pray about it. i am planning on going back to east africa this summer anyway, to visit molly, anne and a few others in rwanda, maybe gifti & helen in sudan and hopefully joyce's family in kenya. now maybe Tunisia too.

joyce

i met joyce two years ago, on my first trip to africa. we crossed paths, only for one night, at the frm guesthouse in kampala, uganda. we shared a bowl of spaghetti together, exchanged stories and parted ways. i left early the next morning for nimule and returned home to nairobi.

almost two months later, i met joyce again in nairobi when she came to teach bible study at calvary chapel. i listened as she shared her story to all of the women gathered around.

*this is her testimony, to the best of my memory, i may have some details off*

she was hired to cook and clean for the frm guesthouse only a few years before. surrounded by over a million people, living in the slums was lonely and hopeless. joyce was not a believer and really had no interest in God. within a short time of working at the guesthouse she began to notice that she was not working for ordinary 'mzungus' or white people. there was something different about the people. she began visiting church on sundays and asking questions throughout the week. one afternoon, she decided that she wanted to be apart of the family of God, and asked the Lord to take over in her life. almost instantly, it was evident that God was working in her life. she became the most radiant, joyful and encouraging person to be around. she ate up the scripture and spoke truth into the lives of those around her. she began volunteering at the church and leading small groups of women through the scriptures. her four kids accepted Christ and she managed to get her sister, eunice to visit church with her kids.

after she accepted the Lord, joyce was asked to take a position working in women's ministry at the church. she was one of the first female kenyans to take a role in the ministry, and hundreds of women began to hear her teach truth on a weekly basis.

her sister, eunice began working at the guesthouse when joyce took the job in ministry, and when i was in kenya, two years ago... eunice stated that she had accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior. i had the opportunity to spend thanksgiving with the frm team in kenya along with joyce, eunice and the kids. the joy that fills them and those around them is an incredible witness to so many in africa.

several weeks ago, joyce was diagnosed with a late stage of leukemia and given three to four months to live. her films were sent to a western hospital, hoping that maybe they would be able to offer some sort of promising treatment, but God had different plans. yesterday evening, joyce njeri went to be with the Lord. she has had such an incredible impact on so many women, and her time on this earth is finished. i am thankful that she is no longer suffering in pain, but please pray eunice and her four children as they adjust to life without her.

i look forward to the day that i can be with her again!

glasses

today i got glasses. i have been thinking about going to the doctor for a few weeks because of headaches and lots of squinting, but keep putting it off. plus, my vision is good, it always has been. dad was in town tonight, and took me to a walk-in eye doctor. two hours later, i walked out with two thin little pieces of glass surrounded by black plastic frames around my eyes. glasses. still living in denial, sure that my vision couldn't possibly warrant glasses... i walked outside. suddenly, i could see.

i had NO idea what i was missing out on! Everything was clearer, more defined. Black is blacker, white is whiter and every color is richer than before. It is hard to explain, but it is truly life changing!

so often, i walk through life, thinking that i am good. i am sure i could do more, give more of myself... but relatively, i am doing well. i wonder what would it be like for me to get glasses? glasses for my life. what does it look like for me to be more effective, more powerful for the gospel, for the lives of those around me. what area of life am i not living with perfect vision.

my loss in vision has been coming on so slow that i haven't noticed.

until last night, i didn't even know what i was missing. I live and breath color, as an artist and photographer... color matters. and i didn't notice.

what else in my life am i not noticing?

time-warp

it is hard to believe how fast time has gone. i am not in sudan, school starts in less than 20 days and it seems just like yesterday that i was living a ten minute walk from the l'arc de triumph in the center of paris. all of this, and yet i feel lost. stuck in a sort of time warp between three worlds, unable to actually live in any of them.

like new

you would have thought that it was christmas morning for over 600 kids at irya primary school in Loa this morning. i was privliged to call each of the 94 kids that i have been teaching the last three days, by name, to the front of the classroom, hand them a backpack loaded with new clothes, school supplies and a mosquito net and give them a hug. most of these kids have never in there life had anything unused, everything has had a previous owner. more often than not, two or three previous owners by the time it makes its way up to sudan.

the gang...

a show of hands when they were asked how many decided to ask Jesus into their life this week. yes, God showed up in big ways!

in my classroom

love covers irya primary

God showed up. mountains were moved. and something much bigger than us, happened. kids heard the gospel, many for the first time. we left behind something much greater than a 600 backpacks and red t-shirts.

love covers iriya

looking into the face of a little person who doesn't know anyone cares. he has no concept of love. he has never had new clothes. his belly has never been full. he doesn't know life will ever be different.

today, i had the opportunity to look these little people in the eyes and tell them about a love so deep that it will change their lives long after i am gone. a love that cares. a love that clothes. a love that fills. a love that will never leave. a love that changes lives. today i looked into the faces of 94 little people who have lives that parallel the one above and told them about the love of jesus. one little boy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked if he could have this love. we prayed, right then and there. today 94 third graders asked jesus into their heart, confessed that they are messy, imperfect people in need of a big God. they believe in a God that cares. a God that loves. a God that clothes. a God that provides. a God that promises to never leave or forsake them. they believe in this, even though their circumstances have not changed.

for the next two days, i get to love on these 94 third graders. they have no idea that on day three, they are getting a brand new school uniform that is their size, new school supplies, a new t-shirt... all in a new backpack with their name on it. they have no idea that they have been prayed for, by name, for the last 4 months.

these 94 little people have no idea all of the blessings that God has in store for them, but they have faith in a God so big that loves them, and they are trusting Him. today as i walked away from the school they followed me and were singing (and by singing, i mean screaming at the top of their lungs) the words were in Madi but literally translated mean, "Jesus number One, number One Jesus, Jesus is number One in my Life". I will never forget these precious words.

home away from home

i am in juba this week... the capital of southern sudan. wes has meetings with the general, vice-president and possibly, the president of sudan. all important people that have the power to change things in this country. it is incredible to see the Lord open door after door to the leaders of this country. i truly believe this country can and will be won for the gospel of Christ.

far reaching ministries (FRM) started over 14 years ago with a calling placed on wes, my uncle's, heart to reach the people of sudan. he started a bible college for chaplains in the SPLA (southern people's liberation army) in a small town, just north of the ugandan border. today, over 300 men have graduated from the bible college, and are deployed around the country to different divisions within the army, reaching men, women and children with the light of the gospel. these men are trained to plant churches, develop weekly studies for both men and women's groups and begin a children's ministry. God is moving and i have a front row seat.

God's timing!!

i am here, and i am staying longer!! i arrived at the entebbe airport this morning and went immediately to the guesthouse in kampala. wes arrived a little after me and asked if i could extend my trip... no one needs to twist my arm :) there is a team coming in from san diego the day i am scheduled to leave, and they could use an extra set of hands. in addition to being with the team, i will have the chance to photograph the chaplain refresher course, as well as love covers (a vbs and clothing project in one of the schools nearby).
i leave early tomorrow morning for nimule... i can't wait to see everyone!

a different kind of independence day celebration

a fitting, though less traditional way of celebrating the fourth of july. ann and i took the train to normandy this morning and then a bus to the american cemetery and omaha beach. the cemetery was overwhelming as the crosses stretch on and on seeming to never end. name after name identifies the individuals that lost their lives for the freedom of our country. those that were unidentified or lost are honored by crosses marking 'a comrade in arms known but to God'. the beaches are drastically different from those on the french rivera in the south. there is a sort of understood respect for those that lost their lives on the beach 65 years ago.

ce-weekend

Ce week-end, je suis allée à Strasbourg avec deax amies. Nous avons visité un musée et fait du vélo en Allemagne. Strasbourg est très joli.

life & death in the city of light & love

i have classes a few blocks from the Cimetière du Montparnasse, one of the four large cemeteries in Paris. It is the resting plast of many of France's intellectuals and artists as well as local police and firefighters killed in the line of duty. after class, i often walk through the cemetery as a short-cut back to the metro.

homeward bound

today could not have been better... i am going home. back to africa - only for three weeks this time, but undoubtably the best days of my summer.

i love how the lord works. i have been trying to find a way to get back this summer for the past few months, but nothing seemed to be right. today, i received an email, made a phone call... and within an hour had tickets. this is right. this is why God closed so many other doors. i could not be more sure about anything. whats more... my parents didn't freak out when i told them.

God never ceases to amaze me :)

i had a long conversation with wes today (my uncle) about what is going on in the sudan. i don't know too much, but i know enough to say please join with me in prayer as i partner with them to fight an uphill battle for the sake of the gospel.

through my lens

with the rise of post modernism in the 1970's, artists began using various strategies to turn the assumed truthfulness of photography against itself. taking advantage of the cameras capacity to make scale models appear to be life-size. the illusions they configured we deliberately flawed; the point was not to deceive the viewer but to highlight the role perception plays in the construction of photographic truth

one afternoon in january a few days before the semester began, i decided get out of town. i found cheap tickets and within 24 hours found myself sitting at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in new york city. there was a photography exhibit from the tate museum and this quote was on the wall... it got me thinking. what do i highlight in the work that i do, the things that i create and the way i live my life. what about me causes people to look at the world with a better understanding of the lord. this makes me pick up my camera each day with more purpose and a new excitement for the every day things around me that i have the opportunity to show in a new way.

as quickly as this new excitement enters my head, when i think about what i am called to do with this energy... it disappears. why is it so frightening to share the gospel? do i really believe in this stuff... YES! then why am i so afraid of rejection, even from complete strangers. if i really care about people, then this is the most important message they could ever hear. last tuesday, as a church staff, we were supposed to go out in the city of austin and share the gospel with someone... anyone really. we were just challenged to use the tools that we had been learning and live out what we say we believe. all week, i had been dreading these few hours. i tell myself that it is just not my gift. i can disciple, teach, lead.... but i just don't do evangelism... WHAT??? that makes NO since. i can, in no way, shape, or form, claim to have any ability to lead if i am not willing to do so by example. the great commission given to us at the end of Christ's life makes my purpose on earth abundantly clear.

go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. matt 28: 19.20

as it stands, i was sick on tuesday and didn't go to the office. in all honesty... i really was sick. promise. but i also would be lying if i pretended that i was at all disappointed in the timing of this illness. recognizing that this didn't just get me off the hook, i challenged myself this week to share the gospel with someone. i did, twice actually, and the tools really helped... but neither of these people were strangers that needed the lord. they were friends that i felt comfortable talking to and that already have a growing relationship with the lord. as much as that doesn't take the weight or responsibility off of my back, sharing - even to my friends was a little nerve racking. but it gets easier, talking out loud through the gospel takes practice and is well worth the effort.

i am ready to quit life

tonight in bible study, i talked with the girls about a sermon my pastor gave on easter. taken from i corinthians 15.... basically because of the resurrection we should live life differently and be willing to risk everything in life for the gospel of christ. i haven't been able to stop thinking about this. how do i do this now, what does this mean for my life today?

i am ready to quit my life, risk everything and live like this, but i haven't figured out how. 

i was born ready to go... wherever. i love going places, meeting new people and seeing new things. i love change. i know what i want to do... i did it in africa almost two years ago. for three months, i lived life at the center of the Lord's will for my life, did things way beyond myself, and witnessed miracles that only happen among people bold enough to believe they are going to... being thousands of miles from home, living in light of the resurrection was relatively simple. i want this life back, but that is a year away. living here in the states is much more complex. i have to finish school but i refuse to live another moment on my own. 

i realized last week how different i have been this semester, i have not been myself. i have not made time for the things that are important to me, i have not finished everything with excellence, i have not made the most of opportunities given to me, what is more... few of the things that have consumed my time this semester have eternal value. i have failed. i get that school and work is important but i have trouble seeing the purpose at times. 

i will choose today to act like a child of God in light of the resurrection. i don't know how to do this while studying for my finals tomorrow, but i am convinced that there is no life outside of his big story. 

i love words

i am not completely sure how i feel about this... i am much better at communicating with pictures and drawings. i love words, but because of this, it takes me way to long to find the right words to use when i talk about things that are important to me. it is much easier to just draw or take a picture.